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“… i look over and hear her ask him how his girlfriend is doing and with his chin in his chest he says, “shes okay.”
“just okay? she asks.
“its like, shes amazing and all but,” he pauses and looks her in the eye, “its just not there, you know?”
i lean forward, “is it like all of your friends love her and all that she is, has accomplished and wants to become looks amazing on paper?”
“YEAH! exactly!” his eyes grow wide and he leans towards me over the table, “so you know what im talking about?!?”
“more than you think, my friend.”
“i mean, shes wonderful… ”
i cut him short, “shes wonderful and does an amazing job or making you feel loved and appreciated but you cant just shake the feeling that shes not ‘the one’, right?”
“totally!”
“its like you spent your entire life desperately looking for that person who fits this idealistic mold. one who lives up to all of the expectations yet for some unidentifiably reason you cant help but have one foot out of the emotional door.”
he said nothing.
“and do you lie next to her at night thinking that there is someone else out there who understands you better? someone out there who makes you nervous and challenges you? do you lie next to her feeling like a bastard because you have those thoughts?”
i can see that the excitement he once felt in having a companion on this journey is now being overshadowed by hearing the words he hasnt had the courage to say aloud or admit to himself.
“yes.” he is defeated. demoralized.
“do you try over and over to convince yourself that she SHOULD be the one, because it only makes sense? do you secretly pray that once day you will wake up and everything will feel right?”
“more than anything.”
“and you know that feeling is possible because you’ve felt it with others, right?
“yes.”
“and you stay awake at night feeling guilty because she deserves to have someone feel the way about her as she does of you.”
“every night.”
“my friend, i hate to say this but i dont envy your position.” i look over to the band who has just finished their set and is walking off to a smattering of applause. “because you will only find that true appreciation for her once you lose her forever and she will be the one you refer to as ‘the one that got away’, because everything is romanticized in hindsight.
the music has ended and he says nothing. the bar lights come on and he sits there like a 10 year old boy who just found out his dog died. i look over at my “date” and say, “and on that note, i think they want us out of here… “
Link reblogged from ONE FORTY PLUS with 2,512 notes
one forty plus: Bed →
My whole life I’ve hated going to bed. I like falling asleep instead. Falling asleep is so much better than going to bed because you don’t get tangled up in the logistics. Falling asleep happens for you, even if it means waking up at eight to the sun assaulting your eyes while a block of metal videos are playing on VH1 Classic. Then all you have to do is scamper over to your bed where you can capitalize on how fresh the memory of how to sleep is and instantly dip back into slumber. Going to bed invites performance anxiety. Going to bed means you have to confront a final moment of consciousness. I’m not a fan. I hope you all fall asleep well tonight.
Source: jhnmyr
Quote reblogged from THIS IS THE DEATH OF BEAUTY with 127 notes
…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
Source: thecelution
Photo reblogged from THIS IS THE DEATH OF BEAUTY with 216 notes
we live in hope…
Source: bloodisthenewblackk
Today I went into a hidden car park at work on my lunch break and ran through the snow with my friends and felt alive for the first time in a long time.
I also made my first ever snow angel. It was a totally liberating experience.
To the others it was just a bit of fun to brighten up a dull day at work. To me it was a moment of clarity, a moment in time that I want to bottle up and swallow every day for the rest of my life so I can feel as relaxed, calm and confident as I did in those twenty minutes today.
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